I won’t forget the talks I used to have with my girlfriends about “the love of our lives” we always imagined how our boyfriend would be like; of course, all our wishes were based on the prince charming concept we imagined.

As we grow up, we meet people who don’t have much resemblance to the concepts we created years ago that were suspended in our dreams, because those partners we are with today are in our unconscious programming and they perfectly satisfy those dysfunctionalities we have created about love, life, abundance, sex and union.

When the person who moves our world arrives, it’s because in an unconscious level s/he fits with what we have to transcend and not with what we want to have. Remember that all the persons who are next to us came to teach us everything we have to transform within ourselves, before expecting they transform for us.

“Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.”

Carl G. Jung

What’s a change? When  we are in a situation that we don’t like, we pray for things to be different and we hope everything changes; a change doesn’t refer to the transformation of things nor the awakening of others. A change is directly related to the perception you give to everything you’re experiencing, this means that as long as you change your perception before what you believe you’re living, everything will take a more adapatable way that allows you to flow without resistance; in that way you’ll recognize that things are transformed because you have changed the way you look at them.

Some of my friends got married and some of them have decided getting a divorce, when I ask them what happened in their relationship, their answer is: “things between us changed” when the reality is that things didn’t change at all, because when they decided to join their lives with someone, they didn’t look at the real person, instead they remained on the illusion of the prince charming; it’s on the decline of that illusion that they faced the real person; realizing that this person who was next to them wasn’t what they really wanted so they preferred to give up on that “change”, and neither of them knew how to handle it, because it was easier blaming each other before taking responsability of the decisions that lead them to that moment.

Work: Have in mind that one of the most favorites strategies of the ego is putting you in alert of the environment surrounding you and determines the danger coming from the people who can hurt you the most; that’s why you believe there’s a lot of envy  in your place of work; and from the moment you wake up, the first thing you do is think about that terrible person to whom you have to see and you beg for things to be different; nonetheless, I think it would be easier for you if you ask yourself, what am I doing to attract those kind of jobs and those type of persons? And it’s even better if you ask, what am I doing to change those things? Doing yourself those kind of questions means that you are taking responsability about what you think and feel, because the person that challenges you the most has a story the same as you, that of course you don’t know; if you have decided to meet each other in the same time line, it’s because you need to learn how to change everything that torments about yourself.

Family: Our parents are two of the most challenging teachers in our existence because in the information they gave us, they put their beliefs, habits and behaviors and of course, none of that fits in the new societies; this implies that our biggest challenge towards them is accepting them the way they are, and understanding we can’t change the mold they have used for years just because we think they live wrongly compared with us, remember that in our parents’ minds they’ll always be right, so if you insist on changing them, you’ll get frustrated; this teaches you to learn how to be free, to stop controlling what already is.

Couple: If you are with someone and you are hoping that one day your partner will change, because you think s/he will stop being unfaithful for you, or because s/he will stop being agressive for the love s/he has for you or because eventually s/he will pay more attention to you because now s/he is occupied with other things; I want you to know that none of that will happen; you tell yourself these things because you don’t want to feel responsible of a relationship that doesn’t contribute you anymore, because you prefer justifying yourself with the changes the other has to do, before you change yourself first and take the decision of letting him/her go. The change in a relationship relies on choosing the person we want to be, before what we’re living and experiencing.

World: The world you perceive outside is exactly the same as the world living within you, everything you see is directly related with how you feel and if you are part of the same world, thereby, the same humanity, and you’re waiting everything changes so you can finally be happy, then you’re positionating on guilt, believing that nothing you’re living is your responsability.

If you want everything in your life be transformed including the people around you, you have to stop acting from the resistance that prevents you from accepting that the others are the way they can and know how to be; that prevents you from connecting with the natural flow of the situations surrounding you, remember that nothing in your life will change if you don’t release the control of those inflexible thoughts that make you believe you’re right; everything that happens to you has an order and behind all that chaos you perceive there’ll always be the change that’s more beneficial for you.

Changes are the consequences of what we think; therefore, if you keep thinking that nothing changes, that non-existent change is what you’ll have as a constant; on the contrary, if you believe that change can only come from you, then you’re giving yourself the opportunity of transforming your perceptions and beliefs before the things you’re living everyday, remember that wanting to change the others, only conditions yourself in the same place that’ll make you feel profoundly stuck; the most important thing of those changes is that you have on your hands the wisdom to understand what you can change so with that same consciousness, you can be able to recognize the difference over the changes that benefit you the most and those that are taking away your peace; in that way, you’ll leave those persons who prefer to stay in the same place and that they’ll change when they feel ready to do it.

Transform yourself, Shary ChavLó ∞