I was always close to my paternal grandparents, they met each other when they were 6 years old and started a friendship which ended up in marriage when they were 22 years old; as any other married couple, they decided to form a family of 5 children,  whom they saw grow up and form their own familes; my grandparents stayed together for 80 years to see themselves grow old and confirm that death would be the only thing that could do them apart. 

The programmed illusion we have about a couple consists on finding a special person with whom we reach the highest level a relationship can offer that’s legalizing love through a religious rite that’s called marriage. Why was this invented? It was created as an insurance of belonging that consisted of commiting two people to make each other happy through oaths of fidelity and promises with death as expiration date. 

“Certain marriages are like a chemical experience in which two harmless bodies, when combined produce venom.” 

Alejandro Jodorowsky .

Within the basic needs human beings have is belonging because through it there’s something that’s called recognition; that consciousness was born from the need of creating new clans which confirm that somehow we never cease to exist; that belief remained as a memory on earth and both, you and your lineage were educated through it in order to make sure that the story carries on through you. 

Have in mind that we’ve been materializing the same information regarding relationships because until today, we still don’t believe in the greatness of our power of creation to manifest anything we want, within this, a couple relationship. Our grandparents used to have long term relationships because their religious conditioning prevented them from considering something such as divorce. 

On one hand, divorced women didn’t have the same value and this caused a profound social rejectment on them, reason why, the women of your lineage allowed domestic violence as long as they weren’t abandoned and seen as divorced women; of course, those experiences generated in them the belief that love didn’t exist; and by consequence, the couple you’re materializing today is absent because through his/her distance you confirm that love is hard to find. 

On the other hand, men had to stay with the woman they chose as the mother of their children and possibly distribute their masculine energy in the womb of other women because in their minds, they thought “a man had to satisfy his needs”; this action created a memory of infidelity that remained printed in the story of your family tree and “casually” all the couples you attract tend not to commit with you, and in that way you make sure the memory of your clan is still alive. 

We all have an ego that’ll always remind us how deficient and unworthy we are, in that perception it has from you, it’ll never make you believe that you deserve to be with someone who can contribute you with love, because for your ego the need of belonging is stronger than helping you to connect with your self-love, the one that’s only possible to find in loneliness. 

I want to tell you that the fear of loneliness has been chasing us for thousands of years because facing the world with oneself represents there´s no person in whom you can deposit all your fears, frustrations, lackings, failures, and unconscious guilts; it’s only you facing yourself and knowing everything about you, but the speech you normally tell to yourself is that there aren’t men or women who are worthy anymore or maybe is that you’re in a relationship you can’t leave because you believe that person needs you as much as you need him/her, when in reality, it’s only because you’re afraid of being alone with yourself because you don’t know how to be happy with who you are, that’s why, you need him or her by your side so s/he can remind you that your presence is not worthy enough; ergo, you need him/her to feel yourself complete. 

Ending a relationship or marriage doesn’t mean that love finished, it was the relationship that ceased to be due that none of you knew how to love each other, instead you decided to shatter each other through the beliefs you had about yourselves. 

I want you to know that isn’t bad that it happened this way, ‘cause this situation taught you to move on and learn what you’re capable of, because first of all  you’re a human being who has the permission to make mistakes and if life’s facing you to be alone once again, it’s because within its wisdom knows that through loneliness you’ll learn to see things from another perspective so the next step you take, you can do it with consciousness. 

Our grandparents taught us through their relationships the consequences that involve “the vows of forever”, and if we take their legacy to be repeated in our story, then we’re not understanding the message, because your grandparents couldn’t abandon their relationship for fear of being alone facing the world; the best thing you can do for them is materialize a change that implies attracting a couple that accompanies you with love and not someone who enslaves you through dependency; likewise, neither of you choose to reflect on the story of the great marriage that united them because that’s standing on the illusion of a destiny that doesn’t belong to you, remember that you’re a creator of your own path so allow this journey to teach you how to walk with yourself without needing someone. 

I honour your free will of being with someone through free union, marriage or courtship, but for mental, emotional and spiritual health, take out of your mind that you’re happier if that person is next to you because that’s giving your personal power away and life will make sure that you reconnect with it in a very challenging way; have in mind that the real marriage or union isn’t in the oaths we make in the name of love nor in the promise of seeing each other die so everything can come to an end, marriage relies on the commitment of two free consciousness who allow themselves to love each other the way they are, and to contribute from freedom so in that state of independence, both of them can share. 

Stay by your side, Shary ChavLó ∞