Most of the songs we hear and sing are made to feed our internal shadow, thus connect ourselves with all those dysfunctionalities that aren’t healed in ourselves because through every lyric, we project our relationships in a way we make ourselves believe we can’t finish them yet. 

On many occasions I’ve told you that we as human beings define ourselves through two polarities in which we perceive a good or a bad world, because since the beginning of humanity, we created those perceptions as survival methods based on the experiences we lived. 

When those situations weren’t quite pleasant, the human keep them as memories and added an emotion to them, in order to adapt to the situation and be able to describe it; in this adaptation process s/he clung to to the emotional situation that made him/her believe that only through it, his/her presence could exist; those perceptions took him/her away from reality and made him/her generate repetitive cycles that took him/her to create the same environments over and over again.  

“Everything that happens once, can never happen again, but everything that happens twice, will surely happen a third time”.

Paulo Coelho.

By nature, human beings are survivors; humanity has resisted pests, wars, natural disasters, tragedies, injustices, state coups, slavery etc., and despite we have passed through many experiences, on a collective level we still remain on that fighting consciousness because we haven’t learned the way of closing cycles of abuse and it’s in this lacking of closure that we’re still repeating the same patterns in different ways. 

Why is so difficult to close cycles? Perceiving ourselves outside of our comfort zone is not part of the survival plan, that’s why we postpone the end of situations and extend the goodbyes to the people who are no longer contributing us from a conscious level, when in reality we’re afraid to stop visualizing ourselves in the place we once were, and in absence of that someone; ‘cause recognizing this becomes very difficult, and we attach to emotional states which are challenging, as long as we don’t let go what we believe is the only thing describing us.  

On many occasions I’ve heard people saying “people never change”; it’s not about them changing, it’s you who don’t want to change so you prefer to blame the other as the one guilty of the broken relationship, that’s why, you put on him or her the closure of a story in which you also were participant, that’s why you prefer to justify a relationship which remained in the past because none of you allowed the relationship to be transformed into what it was meant to be and even though you’re not physically together, your mind and emotions are still attached to the expectations you have related to him or her. 

I want to tell you that you change everyday because your needs and preferences evolve over time; when you go to sleep you’re doing it with a person and when you wake up you’re doing it with someone else, because although you can’t notice you’re changing without even realizing it;  now imagine that the person with whom you’re sharing your bed, is someone completely unknown to whom you have given everything of you but the process of your relationship has inevitably changed or maybe finished because you’re realizing that who’s next to you isn’t the person you fell in love with, it’s a human being that’s turning into a stranger. 

Why is so important to close cycles? Our consciousness is cyclic because our main purpose is to evolve through the purest states like love, peace, happiness, integration and empathy; nonetheless, when we impede ourselves to take the next step we’re preventing the nature of our consciousness and we leave it stagnat in the torment of the reasons why. Let me tell you that asking why, is wanting to control the situation through the non acceptance of the results and in that state, we block the arrival of the new things that could occupy that space. 

The relationships we have had, work as a service, this means they serve in your life for a specific purpose and everything that happens in all of them are teaching you how to let go and reconcile with yourself, because the pain you feel isn’t because everything has finished, is because you stopped fitting in that place and this hurts because you believe that’s something wrong with you, that’s why you prefer to feel guilty instead of closing the door and continue. 

You need to know that closing cycles is a decision that necessarily will take you to an action that’ll impact in a result, and sometimes this change won’t include the others; if it’s your case, give yourself the opportunity to mourn the loss you feel without hiding behind the decrees you sing everyday, telling yourself that: “you can’t live without him or her”, “you need him/her next to you”, “Love hurts and you know” etc., ‘Cause what you’re really doing is punishing yourself through dependency and that’ll impede you to forgive what doesn’t exist anymore; and it’s not fair for you that you manifest a life through the nonexistence because if you’re here, is to exist. 

The cycles we need to close aren’t determined by the pressure of time; so you don’t need to wait years to say goodbye, saying goodbye is a great step to growth; remember that everyday you open new cycles with your work, family, friends and couple, but  which of them are you willing to let go? Face your emotions and work with them because not listening to your sadness will take you to resentment, the resentment will push you to anger and this will abandon you in rage; forgive yourself for the pain you have caused, and for the pain you’ve felt because not forgiving yourself, means you’re staying in the past, the same that’s impossible to change. 

The place you’re today, is the place life needs you to be, to learn how to conclude cycles and move forward to the next ones, stop hurting yourself with: why I’m not working in that place anymore? why did I lost my home? why this or that person doesn’t talk to me anymore? why did my couple stop loving me? etc., you have to be conscious that the others don’t love us, they love themselves through us, so give yourself the opportunity to open a new cycle where you can find situations or people who love themselves with such devotion and acceptance that they feel with the courage and fortune of also loving you; but if you decide to stay in the past and not starting again for the distrust you feel about not knowing what’s coming for you; you’ll keep wishing the changes that never happened because you were afraid of letting go everything that caused you pain.

I’m with you, Shary ChavLó ∞