When I was in high school there were boy bands conformed by a group of young men who attracted millions of fans including myself; I remember my room was full of posters of my favourite group, that made me feel like my crush was being materialized and turned into something real.
Why do we fall in love? Falling in love detonates hormones called dopamine and oxytocin that are related to pleasure, both of them originate sensations that provoke the search for the repetition of those sensations; those pleasant states make we generate the need of being in love forever, this belief is installed in our mind forming expectations about the relationship that instead of uniting two consciousness, separates them through the illusion of what doesn’t exist.
Why does this happen? The hormones that originate a crush are the same that connect us with happiness and when we feel full of joy, we sow in ourselves the belief that’s the other who’s the responsible of our pleasure; that’s why we detonate uncosncious attachements believing that the person with whom we are sharing, is who’s making us feel happy, when in reality, happiness is something impossible to find outside oneself.
People have told me that when they get marry, they want to do it deeply in love of their couples; nonetheless, I disagree because I believe is healthier that we connect with someone from love than from romanticism; let’s remember the crush lasts for 6 to 8 months and if we pretend to be in a long term relationship, only being in love is not an option.
“Falling in love is the phase of reconciliation with our affective disorders.”
Shary ChavLó.
Falling in love and loving someone is not the same thing, to begin with, why is that something as powerful as love has to make us fall? Remember that having a crush is the ego’s defense which needs to put a name to the state is experiencing; ego doesn’t like to love because it knows that when it happens a great responsability over your adaptation states is implied; this means, that when you love you become responsible of your own happiness; the ego knows that the pain you feel isn’t caused by the other, it’s you who’s inflicting pain to yourself when you decide to give away your personal power; the ego knows that if you love is because you’re conscious of how you’re feeling; the ego knows that when you love, you’re doing it from freedom, also acknowledging that there’s nothing conditioning both of you to stay together; the ego knows that if you really love there aren’t victims in the relationship, just two persons who want to love each other from a united consciousness; hence, the ego will always prefer to fall in love and blame the other for making it fall.
If you believe that love hurts, the reality is that you’re lying to yourself, because there’s only pain when your emotional absences aren’t being covered by the other person to whom you’ve decided to put on his/her hands the abandonment, the recognition, the love, the affection, the happiness, the company and the union you never knew by your own. Sometimes it’s scary to take care of oneself because we realize that love, happiness and company aren’t outside of us at all, but as a colective we’ve been lead to believe the other way around; those thoughts make us resistant to break with our imposed programs related to love because breaking them implies to stop belonging to a collective which insists that we’ll be happy when we can be with someone.
This doesn’t mean that falling in love is something bad, remember that labeling is a matter of our own judgements, the existence of a crush is necessary, so we can attract the person who’s going to help us heal and know ourselves; because it’s through the other soul that we share moments of happiness and at the same time moments of sadness, there’ll be episodes of love and also of hate, we’ll have periods of abundance and others of lacking, we’ll be in cycles of kindness and some others of selfishness, we’ll live seasons of peace and others of storm, because everything we live next to that person will be related to the unhealed wounds that are alive in our unconscious; when we finally understand this, we’ll move away from the fake crush state, because we’ll allow ourselves to love what there really is.
Remember that being or not being with a couple, teaches you exactly the same thing, that’s learning how to be with yourself in presence or in absence of someone; therefore make consciousness of your crush, because maybe you fell in love with your abandonment or maybe with your unhappiness ‘cause sometimes beyond of falling in love with someone else, we’re in love with the patterns that don’t allow us move on.
One of the disadvantages of falling in love is that it makes us believe that we have to change to be liked by the other and we take ourselves to do things that we don’t want to do; have in mind that having a couple isn’t related to the sacrifice nor with what you’re willing to do for him or her in order to demostrate how much you care about him or her; having a couple means to understand that you’re in the position of sharing the love that’s coming from you because you’ve assimilated that your commitment is so valuable that not everyone can have the benefit of it.
Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past by relationships that were based on the absence and you have promised to yourself that you won’t ever fall in love again; each one of those experiences gave you the opportunity of being aware that your need to be with someone was stronger than your right to be respected; I believe that you’re an amazing person and I’m sure you have the right to love and be loved back, and as long as you’re sure of who you are, falling in love won’t be a phase you have to cross because you’ll know that happiness doesn’t arrive when you’re with someone, it exists when you know how to be with yourself.
There are plenty of reasons to love you, Shary ChavLó ∞
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