When we come to the world we need to do it from the most important people, those who are going to give us the biggest challenges, the best teachings and the greatest lessons in life, they are mom and dad.

We came to this planet with a previous plan because our parents designed us and waited for us to finally construct a family, nevertheless, although mom and dad gave us our life, sometimes we don’t comprehend the actions they had, we don’t understand their spoken words, their thoughts and their way of life.

We are surrounded by different beliefs that society, media, culture, imposed on us, and one of the deepest beliefs we have is the concept we buy of an illusory love, they sold us love is one color, a complement, a half and when we make conscious about it, we ask ourselves: Why mom and dad couldn’t love me like this?

Family, society and culture put us
in a mold; when we leave the mold,
healing begins.

Alejandro Jodorowsky.

I want you to understand I’m not trying to justify any of your parents actions, and I don’t know anything about your story, but you know something? Despite that we as children had the most pure and natural connection with love, when we grew up we decided to buy different stories referring to love and by free will we choose to generate resentment to our progenitors because they couldn’t love us the way the others say, and the love we were supposed to have from our parents sometimes is transformed in criticisms, limitations and insults.

When I was younger my dad didn’t allow me to miss school and if I got bad grades he punished me and sometimes hit me with the belt and that made part of my life to be afraid of him, nevertheless, when I decided to dive in my father’s story, I understood that his mother was very hard on him, so my dad repeated the same actions thanks to the deep teaching of demand, perfection and injustice, so I started to look at my father with compassion and understood he was repeating his mother rules, but me, I realized life wasn’t like that and for self-love, I chose stop believing that way.

What I want to tell you with this is sometimes we’ve been taught from the side of fear instead from the side of love, it doesn’t mean that your parents couldn’t love you, it means that they were loved like that, and in that way, repeated the same pattern as your grandparents, perhaps choosing violence instead of compassion, and they called it love.

In my experience, there’s no perfect family, every family clan has it’s own stories and structures that seem to be right and in that way turns into and undestructible chain.

Believe me, we all have complicated situations with our families, but sometimes the pain generated from those situations is so hard that our unconscious looks for a couple similar to our mom or dad to be able to trascend our painful relationship with them, but we don’t notice we are repeating the same stories we’ve learned and as a good vicious circle we inherit them to the next generation.

Please stop judging your parents actions, if they split, humiliated you or were violent, sometimes we don’t understand why, let me tell you as children we didn’t have the responsability of their behaviors, we were a white canvas where they could draw their beliefs, but today as adults we are responsible of choosing to understand what those patterns are teaching us and as a good life teacher you are today, you have the permission to free them and let them go.

The only thing I ask you is that you see it from another place that understands love is, and if mom and dad decided to teach you and love you in such a different way, just honor them, it’s not about forgiving your parents because in the end, remember that as human beings they followed a system that was instilled in you. It’s about giving them the place that corresponds and take from them, the bravery they didn’t show you, the love they didn’t give you, the missing caresses, the encouraging words to follow your dreams, the needed hugs, trust me, they didn’t have them either.

Please stop tormenting your mind, and stop hiting your heart asking it why that mom or dad? even less, asking yourself, why me? Just have in mind that when mom and dad met to conceive you, there were 250 millions of sperms with just one opportunity to fertilize you, and you choose to come here to experience the most wonderful gift called life, this could only mean you, are the most precious miracle.

You inspire me,
Shary ChavLó ∞