When we were in our mother’s belly, she as well as our father gave us a design that they planned before or during 9 months, in that way, they started to have wishes around our life, maybe our father wanted us to be doctors or lawyers and our mother hoped that we were brilliant to have a great future.

Since childhood I always was a very reserved kid, I can even say absent; according to my memories I was always introverted and immersed in my world, but according to my mother’s definition, I was weird. Somehow as years went by, that helped me built a self-concept and when I was sourrounded with other people and they asked the reason of my seriousness, my first answer was: No, I’m just weird.

When I started to grow up, I began to confirm my emotional, physical and mental security and began to establish my self-steem based on how I looked, of course, I started by conditioning my image: if I looked like this, I would be happy, if my hair were longer, I would be prettier, If my body were like this, I would have the perfect body, etc. I’ve heard what really matters is the inside beauty, but like I’ve told you before, the natural state of human beings is living in unity, hence, if I don’t accept one part of myself, that will generate negative emotions in me, and of course, I will fall into the total rejection of my person.

Years ago I started to work out, take care of my feeding and sleep the required hours so my body could receive the muscle energy that it needs; of course, I received comments like: “you are getting hot”, you’re sexy”, “hottie” etc., leading me to appear, in the eyes of others, as “the hottie wierdo”.

All those conditions prevented me from generating my own concepts about who I really wanted to be, because I didn’t stop being attached to all those alien concepts of how I had to look to be accepted; I lived it at school, at home, and of course, in that environment that continues to be embraced by the media that sell us who we must look like to be applauded and not booed.

What I want to tell you with all of this, is that we keep identifying ourselves with those labels that the only thing they do is make us feel smaller and drop us in a group that imposses us the way we have to be, and in the moment we pretend to take away that label then, we’re no one because we stop belonging and we are no longer valuable, but for who?

It’s not healthy to be well adapted
in a society that’s profoundly sick.

Juddu Krishnamurti.

I’ve told you in a couple of my writings, that the society we live in is still conditioned by many beliefs that have been repeated during thousands of years and that prevents us from creating our own concepts as a free individuals, about what we want to be and not who we are forced to be; that unconscious imposition generates such axiety that drives us away from feeling comfortable with how we look, feel, think and act.

Socially we perceive ourselves as being in a competition state with the others, and how not to be, if we are so labeled with what we have to be, with what we see in the outside and when we don’t get that, we get frustrated and that makes us see the person who has it as our enemy, someone we have to compete against and inasmuch as we cannot be like that person, we start to see him or her as an unattainable and admirable person, but remember, the only safe place where you are never going to find that fight, will be with yourself because there doesn’t exist someone like you. 

So please I ask you to stop being comfortable with those concepts that only fall short to the greatness that lives within you, start by acting from your own freedom, without letting what the others think be what defines you and from there, start to design your life.

Remember that everyone on this planet deserve a wonderful and joyful life but that only happens with the self-consciousness of knowing what do you want, how do you want it and where are you going, with full certainty that everything you yearn for will be given to you, because your dreams can only come come from yourself.

I don’t know you, but I’m tired of defining myself with terms that didn’t suit me, I want you to know_that: I’m not pretty, I’m not ugly, I’m not hot, I’m not attractive, I’m not beatiful, I’m not famous, I’m not unknown, I’m not fat, I’m not skinny, I’m not white, I’m not black, I’m not good, I’m not bad, simply I am, a human being in a woman’s body who came to experience life because she believes that life is a unique experience, not an eternal belonging.

Please, respect yourself for who you are and not for who you believe you are, stop putting labels on yourself because the only thing they do is limit your own personality, and if your actual personality doesn’t satisfy you, then start to accept it because if you decided to come like this to experience life, there’s a good reason to it, and if you can’t find it and insist on avoid you; you’ll live rejecting yourself all the time and you’ll never feel full with who you are.

Remember that one of the most wonderful gifts you came to experience is your free will, so if you choose to dye your hair, loose weight, get fat, have a couple or not, then do it, without your thoughts determine you as: crazy, fat, forever alone, ugly, weird etc; because all those judgments come from your learned behaviors not from the reality that is, but you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to look at you; when you finally do it, you’ll realize that you also deserve to be.

Live free,
Shary ChavLó ∞