Before we were born, we lived 9 months inside the belly of a woman that was unknown for us because we didn’t have any consciousnes of what the word “mother” meant, we just experienced her emotions, we knew if she was sad, happy, worried or with fear etc. The reason is because we experienced much of the emotional state of our progenitor.

When we are in the gestation process, we owe 75% of our emotional and physical knowledge to our mother and 25% to our father and to the environment in which we develop, this means, our self was the same as our mother’s, of course, with all her unconscious programs included.

Last week I talked you about the collective and the familiar unconscious we keep carrying as women, the one based on a chauvinist system that was caused by our own gender, where being a woman was a sacrifice we had to assume and learn to live with, where being a woman was only to be a mother or where being a woman had no value at all.

When we make consciousness of something,
it’s easier to be detached from it.

Enric Corbera.

Have in mind that our mother is one of the most fundamental persons in our development, because she is the master key who teached us how to be a woman, and of course, she’s the mirror we’ll copy for the rest of our life.

Submissive mothers: – These mothers are the ones who have decided to learn through domestic violence and humiliation, because your grandmother made your mother believe that man is who gives the orders in the house and someone you had to obey, hence, by law of attraction your mom found a man with the same characteristics of a violent owner and possibly what your mother taught you is to obey, and if you didn’t, then you’ll deserve a punishment and that has taken you to be a permissive woman today.

Blackmailer mothers: These mothers are the ones who have decided to learn through the inner guilt they feel towards themselves and project that to the others; a mother that maybe was abandoned by her father and processed in her unconscious that in order to get love she could do it through emotional blackmail; of course, that generated a huge emotional debt in you that make you feel responsible of her and you have become an emotional dependent.

Controller mothers: These mothers are the ones who have decided to learn through submiting others; these moms try to be the perfect housewives, the best neighbors, presidents of the student commitee and clearly, exceptional mothers; nevertheless, your mother does this because your grandmother didn’t stop telling her that she had to be the best in everything and that mistakes were unacceptable; this impedes your mother to release control over the situations and over people, in order to be recognized and applauded; mothers who call you at least once a day to remind you they worry about you, but unconsciously it’s to satisfy their need to control everything around them, including you.

Narcisist mothers: These mothers who are always right above all things, with the justification that she’s your mother and she knows more than you; hence, you must listen to her; mothers with a narcisism that forbids freedom to their children because these mothers fall in a condemnatory judgment against the others actions and qualify them as wrong, because the only universal truth is the one she has on her hands, and of course, that’s the attitude you’re possibly repeating or maybe you look for people who are the same as her.

Absent mothers: These mothers are absent from home and from their children’s lives, generating breakable bonds with them; these mothers who don’t know how to listen because they live pending of other matters except the affective needs of their children, justifying their absence with the argument that they want a better future for their kids; of course, that generated deep abandonment wounds in you, those you have covered with food or possibly you’ve looked for people who share the same pattern you have of feeling like you don’t have anyone.

Overprotective mothers: The mothers who feel that their children can’t do anything by themselves and need to be protected from the difficulties in life; mothers that want to avoid any kind of suffering to their children, mothers that don’t assume the growth of their children and until today still treat them as if they were babies, hence, these moms forbid their children to cry and express their emotions and in the future that provoked in you to look for substances as alcohol or drugs to express what your mother prevented you to feel joined to a huge insecurity to live.

Chauvinist mothers: These mothers who impede to look at themselves because they were more worried about your father’s welfare; mothers who want to teach you how to cook so you can make wonderful meals to your future husband and in that way you can make him happy, these moms orient their daughters to choose activities that are only for girls because other jobs are too difficult to manage, these moms advice you to always keep a clean house with the excuse that only women can leave a flawless home; these mothers guide their daughters to be always beatiful so they can be attractive for a man; and that made you look for partners to whom you can show how good of a candidate you are and how worthy you are.  

Critical mothers: These are mothers who think everything you do, say and feel is wrong and the way they show their critic is through mockery; that made you an introverted adult who doesn’t allow to express herself for fear to be mocked by others, a woman who experiments life through bullying and social rejectment.

Abusive mothers: These mothers who choose to raise their children through beating and insults as a justification of a good parenting, making their children believe that it’s for their benefit; these mothers who raise through physical, psychological and emotional pain creating terror environments, and that, have made you look for environments with the same violent pattern where you adopt the abused victim role who lives trapped in the hands of the perfect agressor.

If you realize all these mothers have something in common, all of them are violent in their own way, because these moms didn’t allow you to feel nor express yourself, they blamed you about everything so you could feel guilty of the effects and that made you the guilty but no the responsible. They controlled you with the justification that she knew more than you and all those educative molds, have impeded you to feel free of living.  

In the Latin American culture the role of the mother is crucial because we see her as the universe of our life; nonetheless, the pattern of dependency towards our mother happens in all cultures; what I want to tell you with all of this, is that I find amazing that you love your mother, but love her from a side of freedom, understanding that she’s as a human as you are and maybe she was wrong in many ways, among them, the unconscious teachings and beliefs she inherited you.

Please honor your mother by observing her; observe what do you have of her; don’t admire her because uncounsciously you’ll see her as an unreachable woman; neither judge her because she did it the best she could, knew and understood according to her programs; don’t blame her qualifying her as a good or bad mom, because I can assure you she was your best teacher because she taught you those patterns that it was time for you to transcend; don’t criticize her because she chose to learn in a painful way and she didn’t do self-awareness that she was taking you by her hand while she was learning; so it’s better if you can thank your mother that the fact of giving you life it’s more than enough because thanks that you are here, that story won’t never be repeated again, and that, will take you to relate with her and others through healthy bonds and will allow to build yourself from a much better place, the one, you really deserve.

Be yourself;
Shary ChavLó ∞