Once I told you that when I was born, I had a disability called “equinovarus or clubfoot and hip dislocation” which means that my feet and hip were out of their natural position; three days after my birth, my parents decided to start the treatment that could allow me to walk and correct my symptom. 

When I turned 4 years old my last surgery was done and I remember a few images of those moments but one of the most accurate memories I have in my mind it’s when I had to say goodbye to my parents ‘cause they had to leave me at the hospital during my process of rehabilitation; I remember I felt anguished to see my parents leave ‘cause I thought they would never return, until one day I asked my mother: “if she was really going to come back for me”; I believe that from that moment I detonated the fear I  sometimes feel when I have to face things on my own.  

Although there were many children at the hospital, some of them even younger than me, the emotional emptyness I felt was based on the abandonment because my parents weren’t there and my logic wasn’t capable to understand the reason of their absence; those moments full of anguish had an impact on my emotional absence, which I began to protect with control and later, with dependency. 

Human beings have the bad habit of chasing instead of achieving; this means that our life will be conditioned on chasing love without achieving self-love first; chasing ambition without achieving the commitment with the mission; chasing happiness without achieving the understanding of what makes us happy; chasing who to blame without achieving the acceptance of our own responsability; chasing the consequence without achieving the reason of the cause; chasing the person who’s going to love us without achieving someone who really wants to do it; chasing the healing without achieving the reconciliation with the pain; chasing the tomorrow without achieving to live fully today; those conditionings are the ones that make us abandon our real purposes in life and make us feel absent of our emotional states that  help us to describe the experience and give us the opportunity to understand it, in order to stop repeating it.

Long time ago I talked you about our vulnerability and told you that feeling vulnerable is the opportunity we all have to attend our fears and in turn, it’s the instant in which we can find ourselves; nevertheless, we have been deceived ‘cause we have chosen to believe that feeling vulnerable is the same as being weak and for our biology, being weak won’t help us to survive in this planet in which we have to fight in order to obtain things. 

“Learning is a gift even when pain is your teacher.”

Maya Watson.

What’s the emotional abandonment? It’s the conscious repression of our emotions in addition to the personal and interpersonal dissociation we experience in relation to everything around us; the emotional abandonment is not dangerous, it’s lethal because abandoning ourselves emotionally is one of the main causes of committing suicide, gain overweight, addictions, destructive couples, victimization, dependency and conditioning relationships, this is because the absence of emotions needs to be fulfilled through the search of several conflicts that can replace the deep lacking of love and recognition existing in oneself. 

The seriousness about emotional abandonment is that it’ll always need to be projected through the addictions that’ll help us balance those uncovered gaps; on one side, the smoking addiction generates a sensation of satisfation and relaxation, this is because the current emotions are disturbing your mood; by consequence, these emotions are repressed and projected through the cigarrette dependency; on the other hand, alcoholism is the protection of heavy emotions which are usually expressed through its euphoric effect ‘cause its function allows the momentary defense of a wounded emotional background; therefore, the addiction of alcohol is not the conflict but the emotional frustration that doesn’t want to be experienced; drugs produce a sense of stimulation which represents the emotional lacking that’s disguised by the need of recognition that wasn’t fulfilled since childhood; sexual addiction lies on the non acceptance of a pathological abandonment that was caused by one of the parents and the need of covering that up, will be satisfied through an external bond;  the food addiction usually produces pleasure ‘cause biologically we need to feed ourselves in order to survive; nonetheless, food has the symbolic function of filling all the emotional gaps to cover them up through fat and sugar ‘cause in the food we find the emotional relief that doesn’t exist outside of us; the violence addiction is the projection of negative emotions that seek an escape channel through the aggression towards others so that the environment can work as a the trigger weapon of the unhealthy existential problems; all those addictions are the emotional traps caused by the deep abandonment of the family and the social system that only teach us how to victimize us, so we can generate emotional debts that we’ll project on an aggressor.

Have in mind that since we were children we had episodes of emotional abandonment and independently of the circumstances in which we were educated, most of our parents didn’t know the emotional process with which they had to educate and accompany us ‘cause they were the prototype of their parents; nonetheless, what our parents didn’t know is that the way they were educated couldn’t fit in the new generations that would make questions about life and at the same time, would feel confronted for not understanding the different kind of emotions; in that incomprehension, our generation has decided to abandon itself and seek refuge in the experiences created from the rejection to any type of pain. 

The emotional support is a fundamental and necessary part of our human experience ‘cause each emotion helps us to understand the real cause of our situations so it’s through their conscious understanding that we can achieve our emotional maturity; but if you forbid yourself to experience what you feel, the emotions will end up conditioning you and you’ll become an emotional dependent who will need to protect his/her wounds through the affective abandonment you feel and that won’t ever let you be emotionally free. 

Feel, Shary ChavLó ∞