Today we’re part of a society that lives bombed by the media, the social media and endless information that’s part of an external universe and it’s thanks to this society that we form our own concepts of living.

Recently I’ve heard that couples who have been long or short time in a relationship make the decision of getting a divorce; the answers I normally hear or read are: “because love has finished” or “because of irreconcilable differences”, what I don’t understand is why do we keep blaming love or the differences? When in reality the responsibles of that relationship were both of you; I believe the real reason of that separation should be that both of you didn’t have the will of keep sharing love with each other anymore; because both of you decided to stop establishing communication, because both of you didn’t want to bet on your relationship any longer, because both of you decided to look for the answers outside of you, or just because your resonance didn’t match with your interests and needs.

Once I heard that’s better a happy divorce than an unhappy marriage, do you remember when we talked about how to forget when the person we love leaves? I told you that sometimes we relate better separated than together, the same happens in a divorce, two people whose coexistence is better distant than in union, a relationship that came to teach them the real messages of detachment.

Why do couples separate? Remember that human beings are dual beings and in our duality we change between what we think is good or wrong. I believe that one of the biggest mistakes occurs when two persons get married, because it implies the belief that the crush that united both of you would remain forever, where the idea of: “you are everything to me” ceases to exist. Remember that according to science, the “crush phase” lasts 4 years at the most, and it’s really away from the meaning of true love.

When what you call problems start in the marriage it’s because that dual part transforms into the negative, and as both of you normally resonated on the positive side and on your confort zones of that what you know; that’s why everything gets out of control, your crush it’s not longer there and only remains the true love that both have for each other, that’s when the true proofs of the relationship begin.

Let me tell you something, that negative duality was your companion all along while you were in love but you ignored those red lights maybe for some of these reasons: because you were afraid of staying alone, because you believed that the other would change, because you thought that by getting married with that person he/she would be only yours, because in marriage he or she would respect you etc; and today those red lights are the ones enlightening your marriage.

In all marriage that has lasted more than a week exist
reasons to have a divorce, the key consists in finding reasons to be married.

Robert Anderson.

I want to tell you that one of our missions in life doesn’t consist on being with a couple, living in union with someone is a decision we choose by free will, but we are lead to think that’s an obligation because in this world that sometimes lacks of love, we have the need to be loved by someone, but at what cost?

If you are one of the persons who’s looking to have a divorce; before giving that final step just ask yourself: which are the reasons you got married?, what did you have yesterday that doesn’t exist today?, what are you responsible of?, which were the causes that took you to have those reasons?, what did you do to help your relationship?, I tell you all of this because we have to be honest enough with ourselves to understand why are we living this situation and why we attracted it in our lives; with the main purpose that in our next chapter we won’t drag the same.

If you are one of the persons who has discovered that you and your partner don’t match in the same space-time anymore, then move forward with the thought that it was one of the best learnings in your life, I know it’s not easy because any separation breaks with the ilusions we created in our head and the castle full of dreams we built, but if it’s being too hard for you to make the decision, I only ask you that your lack of action doesn’t justify on the presence of your children, because the lesson they learn is that destructive relationships are the representation of love in it’s highest expression, remember that for children the parents are their first emotional, sexual and physical contact and if your relationship with your husband or wife is based on breaking apart each other in every encounter and complaining for the terrible man or woman the other one is, then imagine what kind of relationships your children will have in their future? Remember that both of you are going to be the best teachers they can have and I can assure you that the only thing they want is that both of you live in peace and if that involves signing a paper that endorse your separation it doesn’t mean that love ended, it means that this wonderful state that belongs to you will look for a new attribute to be shared.

I want you to understand that if you have the will to have a stable and lasting relationship you must have in mind that your husband or wife will be the one who plays the role of your lover, friend, confident, accomplice and even that of your enemy, because that person you chose to be with is healing all the patterns and inconsistencies living within you and that fact will confront you so much that you will generate animosity with the other when in reality the hostility will be towards yourself, remember this situation is teaching you to accept, love and respect yourself as long as you live.  

I ask you that if you are in a relationship where you no longer want to establish communication or share time with the other, it’s time that you make a pause and ask yourself: I want to be in the same situation for the next 5 years? Don’t be afraid to face the answer, because that fear of making self-consciousness will translate into 10 years more.

If you are looking to strengthen your relationship, look for all the alternatives, trying from your heart, not from your attachment or your need, first manage to communicate with yourself so you can have clear reasons about what you’re going to communicate to the other, avoid putting timings to love, it’s better if you promise you’re going to love him/her today and if you really want to love your wife or husband don’t try to change him/her because if you try to do so, you’re not loving him/her, you are trying to make him/her like you and that means you are taking away all his/her essence, and in the future, that will break with everything you’ve settled down; be coherent so that everything you think and say goes in accordance to what you do because if not, it won’t have any sense, choose the battles that will take both of you to your highest benefit of growth, not the ones where there will be hurt, remember that your wife or husband is the best partner of your life so he/she deserves straight accounts in every step of this great business.

I hope this divorce isn’t happening for reasons based on jealousy, because that only shows how inferior you feel and that you lived your relationship as a threat; that isn’t happening for an emotional dependence that you tolerated until you reached domestic violence; that isn’t occurring for a lack of communication that took you to commit an act of infidelity; that isn’t for the indifference that took you to attack each other; that isn’t for a third party who entered silently in the relationship to change the plans you both had; instead that your reasons be because your emotional maturity is such that you understand the best contribution you could give each other is to separate with full gratitude knowing that both coincided the fair amount of time.

Please don’t define life from this experiences, because this situation came to teach you the best lessons, where the two of you decided to write a story that today comes to an end, and the most loving thing you can do for each other is to accept yourselves as free beings and be ready to let each other go.

I’m with you,
Shary ChavLó ∞