We cannot live any duel without pain, living a duel is one of the strongest processes human beings have to experience, it takes days, months, years, and even becomes endless because unconsciously we never lived it.

This week I talked you about losses and what represented to let them go, one of the steps to start with the releasing part is acceptance, accept that nothing belongs to us, we need to understand that every loss will take us down, impact us, but mostly, will hurt us because we generate an uncounscious bond of everything we feel ours.

Time ago I talked you about pain, I told you that this life without any pain is not life at all, pain lead us to different levels of empathy towards others, for that same reason pain was created for us to remember that only love is the universal language capable to solutionate any damage caused. Many times the first thing we do when we live a situation that hurt us is deny it because we enter in shock states that lead us to feel sceptical about the situation we’re passing through.

Why do we enter in shock states? Because they impact directly on our emotional state, a place we ignore because humans are designed to process everything with the mind, even the emotions, and they are designed to be felt not to be thought.

When we enter into emotional shock states we face the risk of having a frozen duel, because we constantly seek for survivance, thus, our priority will be protect ourselves of the situations we feel are making us more damage, and we leave aside feeling, realeasing and therefore move forward, and we believe in a conscious way everything is forgotten but uncounsciously everything is kept inside us.

Like I’ve always said, every human being has a different acceptance process and not all experience duels in the same way, because remember, it’s not about the loss is about the pain that accompanies it; for our psyque it doesn’t matter the price of the loss, she understands by logic that there’s something that’s missing, and the emotion understands that the impact of what has left was extremely important for our being.

It’s not the change that produces pain
is the resistance towards it.

Buda.

I believe all duels are essentials in a human’s life, without them we wouldn’t be able to trascend experiences that are the clue for our evolution, remember that feeling doesn’t make us vulnerable or much less weak, just make us humans.

Time ago I treated a patient with skin problems and a deep depression; when she was 17 her father died and she couldn’t live his death because she believed she had to be strong enough for her mother, at the age of 34 she developed a dermatitis (skin problems represent a separation conflict); she and her couple were separating and that took her to deep episodes of depression and stress, and somehow she relieved the frozen duel with her father through her couple.

Remember when I talked you about diseases? I told you all the diseases are a symptom of an overlooked cause, and one of the causes could be a frozen duel that we forbade to feel for fear of feeling pain, the paradox is, we are afraid of feeling that pain but uncounsciously we nourish it everyday and in that way becomes into a silent suffering that’s attached to us.

Sometimes our system leaves pending duels we decide to avoid, but as years go by we face different situations that force us to understand the cause, many times we feel unable to live the duel because we have the strange belief of not knowing how to lose or become bad losers, you need to understand, life is not about a loss it’s about learning how to live without any attachement.

Please allow yourself to feel those situations that the only thing that have taught you is that life goes on, so stop tying the past to the today, don’t be scared to feel that pain that you believe is blinding you, do the atempt of connecting with love because if you do, you won’t feel any loss or separation, give yourself permission of feeling your emotions because remember that pain will never heal if you don’t allow yourself to feel, choose to get rid of it and let go what has to go, just have the compromise to keep all the experiences you have lived and are to come because thanks to them, today you are becoming someone with more knowledge, thus, more aware.

I’m with you.
Shary ChavLó ∞