Anger is not being able to control the circumstances that move, impact and maybe hurt us. It’s that need to hook to all that’s not under our possibility of change, making us feeling frustrated.

For me, anger is not accepting the fact that caused that feeling, which often comes from a stalled memory of the past, from those unhealed wounds, from people who left and maybe didn’t return, or sometimes comes from a situation we’re clung to and haven’t trascended yet.

I’m sure we’ve all had situations where anger controls us and prompts us to do or say things that distances us from who we really are. Remember when I told you about sadness? I think anger is one of it’s defenders masks.

My sister once said something that made me feel very angry; what she said transformed me of course, and the words that came from my mouth were: I don’t want to talk to you ever again in my life. Ouch! Of course, I didn’t think about what I said, because I was lost in my anger and instead of dominating it, I ended up being dominated by it.

Some time later I began my internal dialogue and realized that my reaction was in self-defense, because the words that she said reminded me of a deep wound that I had been carrying for years and made me feel very sad. That doesn’t justify her, it makes her as responsible as me, because in the end, we’re all responsible for what we say, do, think, but above all, for the actions we decide to take in any given situation.

Buddha said:

Whoever makes you angry, rules over you.

I believe that’s true because we give our personal power to situations, life, people; and we deny ourselves the freedom to decide what to feel and what not, accumulating pain and emotions that conquer us.

In my opinion, anger has two universal versions: the first one is sadness, which lives in silence because we forbid ourselves listening to it, for fear of feeling weak; the second version is the emotion that ends up hardening just like you and me, and if we accumulate it, can you remember what’s going to be transformed into? Yes! in hate, because we feel something we don’t like and combine it with hints of resentment and those are the architects that ultimately design our lives.

I think many people walk with a shield of anger because it makes them feel powerful and strong, believing this way they can impose the reality that their minds dictates them, going through life with the sword drawn prepared for any attack, walking with a flag on their hands that says: before I kill myself, you die first! Finally choosing the way of hate. Sad isn’t it?

If you decide to be angry then be, feel the anger and live with it, just promise yourself that today or tomorrow that anger that blinded you for moments doesn’t translate into the shape of how you see life.

You know? If you analize it carefully, I can assure you’re not angry, you’re just afraid, afraid to be happy, afraid to be you. Please send that fear disguised as anger a message from my part: “Yes, I may be mad to the bone, this feeling hurts my soul, but thank you anger, now it’s time for you to go”.

With all my love,
Shary ChavLó.