One of the main purposes when we have a couple is to ensure that their fidelity is eternal, because the fact that someone is cheating on us, breaks with the whole concept we built around the other person and that makes the relashionship crumbles.

The word unfaithful comes from the latin “infidelis[1]” wich means non-believer, the question remains to know: which members of the couple didn’t believe? Maybe one of them didn’t believe that the other person could satisfy him/her, maybe one of them didn’t believe in the lasting of the relashionship, didn’t believe that inside the relationship could find what he/she was really looking for; didn´t believe that he/she could establish a relashionship based on trust, and all that lack of faith, made that person look for the answers on the outside.

You know that for me talk about consciousness is one of the things I love the most, because it connects us with life, and to make acts that involve this awareness help us to deprogram from those conditions we’ve been carrying for years, so I ask you to be brave enough to go beyond those ideas that society imposes on us, make yourself a favor and ask: What’s infidelity for me? In your answer, you’ll understand which are your true concepts concerning to everything you believe.

I’ve always believed that when we talk about infidelity, our mind takes us to the sexual act that was not related to us, but I want you to understand that infidelity can be seen from different perspectives: a person can be unfaithful if he/she lives in conflict with his/her couple; can be unfaithful when he/she doesn’t communicate with his/her partner; can be unfaithful when one of them arrives at home and acts like a complete stranger; can be unfaithful when one of them is indifferent with the other; and is unfaithful because somehow has stopped believing in his/her relationship and has chosen stop betting on it, nevertheless, let me tell you that the most serious infidelity is the one that attempts against yourself, because it’s you who’s overlooking all those details, and both of you have become two unknown people to each other that only share the same space.

Infidelity is an effective tsunami
which enters into the relationship and sweeps with everything.

Walter Riso.

Why infidelity hurts so much? When we talked about sexuality I told you that the sexual encounter is one of the highest connections we have as humans beings because thanks to it we connect thoughts, emotions, feelings and energy because sex allows us to become one with the other; and that connection bond is the one that breaks, but what really hurts, is not the infidelity itself, but the disloyalty of the person, because for me, infidelity is about the body and disloyalty is about the soul, and when the wounds get there, then everything is broken, because we experience an emotional infidelity not a physical one.

What leads a person to be unfaithful? A lot of people believe that love is the base of everything and we leave in it’s hands the solution of all, we think that’s love who justifies, capable to change the other, the one that forgives, that manipulates and even the one that blames, but I want you to understand that love doesn’t do that, because love is an emotion we choose to feel for the other; the real reason why a person is unfaithful is because that person hasn’t known how to communicate with his/her partner, because communication is the key piece that holds the relationship together and it’s built by a scheme of values that both of you have decided to put from the begining so it can stay firm.  

What I mean with all of this is that when we start taking away those values without the other one know, we are not thinking as a couple anymore but in an individual way, and that makes that the relationship can suffer an unbalance, because is there, where we stop living in unity with the other.

It’s very naive to think that just for being in a relationship we won’t feel any attraction for other people, that’s impossible, because when we are with someone nothing stops us from relating with others, the difference is on deciding how. Remember when we talk about finding love? I told you that human beings look for love as a goal and when we finally get that little box called the love of our life, we start to generate insecurities that lead us to relate with the other from attachement or possession and not from freedom and equality, hence, when a infidelity gets in the way, the blow is harder to overcome because we start to connect with our own consciousness of that person having his/her own free will to decide what he or she will do and you have to respect if that person leaves, because nothing and nobody is yours.

I want you to understand that the fact we relate from freedom means we have to learn the limits involved in it and learn to live with them, remember that regardless of what that person has done, you and only you, are and will be the responsible of how you’ll live that infidelity and overall, of which emotions you put into the situation because nobody is more owner of your heart than yourself.

I would like you to know that the fact of forgiving an infidelity doesn’t mean you approve the fact, it means that is moment to release that pain you are generating using the others and move on, either with the same person or without him or her.

If you have decided to cheat on your partner, ask yourself: what’s taking me to do this?, what am I looking for in another person that I think my parter doesn’t have? If your answer is: “my partner doesn’t give me what I need” let me tell you that’s not fair, you’re choosing to blame the other instead of being honest with yourself, because you are the one who’s deciding to look for solutions outside of you, and you have decided to stop communicating your new plans, where he or she is not included anymore, in the end, remember that you also are responsible of the actions you’re choosing to take and the new direction you’re giving to your relationship, because infidelity it’s something that is chosen not something that you must do, so stop telling stories about that situation meant nothing to you, because for your partner, meant everything.

If you have been cheated, ask yourself: what have I done to manifest a situation like this?, which are the patterns I’m following?, what am I not communicating to myself and to my partner?, which rol am I playing in this situation? Remember, it’s very different to take responsability of this situation than to become the victim of it, because being the victim, will only weaken you to take the right decision.

Have in mind that communication is the base of any relationship, but it starts with the communication you decide to have with yourself because if you don’t do it, you’ll live blaming the other and you’ll reproach to that person that he/she doesn’t satisfy you anymore, believe me that communicating with yourself will be your fundamental tool to understand what you want and then you’ll be aware of your own limits, and freely, you’ll be able to communicate them to the others.

Please remember this situation shall pass, so don’t allow yourself to believe this experience defines you, much less think that all men or women are cheaters, because if you live something like this, is not to mourn but to keep moving forward and give place to new things and people who can add to a new chapter in your life.

Be faithful to yourself,
Shary ChavLó ∞

 

 

 

[1] https://www.etymonline.com/word/infidel