When we finally are in the dreamed relationship and after a while we feel that everything stops being perfect, problems start to appear because we vibrate from a place of complaint: why s/he is not loving anymore, why s/he doesn’t pay any attention to me, why s/he became so neglected, why s/he doesn’t love me anymore? etc.

Relationships are the most challenging teachers we’ll have to face for the rest of our lives because they come to show us the darkest side of our personalities.

Like I’ve told you before, since we were children we weren’t taught how to manage our emotions, thoughts and we acted according to what we perceived from the outside; of course, it became a tradition for us to identify ourselves with guilt because that’s how people made us feel if we did something wrong, if we failed, cried, got upset etc. From those learnings we developed our emotional intelligence to fit in with the environment.

In the adolescence we begin the reaffirmation of our self-security in order to be accepted by the opposite sex; I remember when I was at highschool I met my “platonic love”, I remember chaising him everywhere, sending him love letters and I ran every change of class so I could run into him; I never dared to introduce myself with him because I was afraid of not being liked by him or because I thought that maybe I wouldn’t be pretty enough for him. When I saw him with his girlfriend I remember I turned into a drama queen, went to my house and played all the painful songs I knew and started crying as if my life was over; in that moment I just thought about blaming him because he “made me feel” the most undesirable woman on earth; of course, it never crossed my mind to understand my emotions nor take full responsability of why I felt that way, much less did I understand back then that I was the only one who could detach from those hurting feelings.  

Our emotions are biological reactions to adapt ourselves to the environment and to understand why are we so affected by certain experiences; nonetheless, we find them very incomprehensible because a huge part of the society has been adapted to an emotional absent environment, this occurred  because since the time of our ancestors, feeling pain was reason enough to feel vulnerable and this was equal to weakness. For this reason we originated an attachment consciousness; the same that taught us to hang on to things that don’t exist to cover the truth that will make us emotionally free; but for that collective unconscious, that emotional freedom is dangerous, that’s why we prefer to vibrate from our emotional repression to adapt to the environment.

Remember that the most powerful states human beings have at their reach, are love, happiness and peace, but we carry with the belief that those fundamental and necessary states can only be obtained when someone can give them to us.

When we vibrate in that consciousness, the person that comes to our life  has the same unconscious emotional repression; because remember that all of us are attracted by resonance according to our dysfunctional programming, that’s why when we find someone, our patterns are the ones that fall in love because we’ve finally met “the one” who perfectly fits in our emotional lacking.   

At the end of our crush, we face the true relationship, the one that’s going to confront us in the most terrible ways, because this person we call couple will teach us all the learnings we’ve had since childhood, that we need to transcend to move forward.
Our biggest mistake is that we constantly look for couples that can adapt to the forever instead of those who can remain in the present, because we’re used to live in emotional relationships but not in conscious relationships.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us
to an understanding of ourselves.”

Carl G. Jung

We’re still trapped in those emotional relationships because all those couples and persons with whom we share our lives, help us in activating our most repressed emotions through our constant projections, those that help us to identify ourselves as complete beings.

If you are in a relationship where you live constantly confronted, before judging and pointing the other as the guilty of your emotional processes first accept how you feel and observe what kind of emotions arise with what you hear from the other. In order to create a conscious relationship you need to connect to what exists today, but if you base your relationships according to your emotional memories, you’ll never know how to get out of the past and this will lead you to the end of your relationship.

If you’re looking for a relationship, please take away from your mind that you need the other to make you happy or give you love; because you’ll resonate with a person who lacks of what you’re looking for until you understand those things can only be given to you by yourself and that’s how you’ll destroy this need you believe you have; keep working on yourself because as long as you love yourself, you’ll attract people who will also do it; remember the key in life consists in everything we ask for, we have to give it first in order to receive it.

Unfortunately our relationships are treated through an emotional childhood, that’s why it’s more simple to act from the side of the victim, because the victim waits for the other to change while nourishes itself by suffering. Your emotions are sacred and they’ll take you to different experiences but if you don’t become aware of them and allow the others to have control over how you feel, then you’ll be prisioner of those emotions that just deprive you from your own happiness.

Be aware of your feelings, Shary ChavLó ∞