My grandmother loved to give me advises related to relationships, she used to say that we as women had to let men open the door for us, pay the bills, and that we had to let men take charge of the heavy tasks. 

My childhood was completely different from what my grandmother used to say, the experience with my father was distinct because I remember him too little affectionate  with my mother and he had very few attentions with her and this for my unconscious was shocking because according to my grandmother, men had to be in a certain way and my experience at home was completely away from that. 

Have in mind that we all come from the consciousness of the first human being who stepped on earth; his/her behavior was based on a survival instinct, control and defense against the danger s/he felt outside; and as the earth evolved, human did it as well but without forgetting his/her instinctive power, because the instinct was before his/her questioning about the existence of a God. 

That instinctive consciousness generated one of the most decisive fruits in the human existence called “ego”; the ego is the reference which allows us to recognize ourselves as an identity called “I”, this means that without an ego we can’t exist because thanks to it, we can identify ourselves as someone in relation to the whole. 

 “Darkness is the absence of light, the ego is the absence of awareness.”

Osho.

Our egomaniac instinct needs to be separated from others to believe it’s different from anyone else so in that way can stand out, and in order to do this, it’ll use one of its best weapons that’s labeling people and condemning them; in that process, it’ll remain observant of the others from the side of criticism so in that way, it can demerit their existential process and it’ll justify itself behind the power and security the ignorance is providing, so it can humiliate others and possibly will use the mockery to run away from what is seeing as a problem. 

When we allow our ego to be at the service of our mind, both will unite through fear, because for our ego’s belief we’re less compared to the others; nonetheless, in the pride of the ego, it’ll never recognize that is feeling insecure in life and in company of others because in its need to survive prefers to blame the outside before being the responsible of its own causes and accepting it has to change. 

When the ego generates resistance to change it’ll look for conflicts to believe that it still has the control of the situations it has created; how does it look for conflicts? It makes you believe that everything’s wrong and drives you to take decisions from fear; it makes you generate assumptions from others and stimulates you to create gossips related to them; it makes you believe that everything is hard and advises you to give up what you want because you’re not worthy of achieving it; it talks you about the lack you feel and makes you believe that if you give to others, they won’t thank you enough; or even worse, it assures you that if the others have, it’s because they’re taking away from you; it makes you suppose that there are not couples who can love you the way you are but in reality, it’s because your ego feels emotionally insufficient, that’s why it’ll make you attract “the one” whom you can fall in love with, until the day you have to love him/her the way s/he is, in that moment your ego will tell you that love between both of you is over. 

The ego will always look for a way of conditioning yourself among the good and wrong because it feels dissociated from everything, that’s why it thinks that kindness and evil can’t be in the same plate and in the refusal of assuming its own unity, it’ll look for strategies to create guilt in yourself but before recognizing this is happening, it’ll find the way to project culpability on the others, thus, opressing their will, and this projection will be done through victimization because that’s the tool it knows and it’ll be used not to transform what could drive it to change and for this reason, refuses to accept with responsability that the cause of everything is itself.    

Remember that our relationships are the best masters we need to grow, because they are designed to confront us and bring up the worst of ourselves; nevertheless, in every conflict that we think we see, exists a hidden solution that’s in the best version of ourselves and it’s positioned in humility, love, compassion, unity, equality and awareness. 

If you decide to live your relationships based on your ego, you’ll face situations of constant competition, comparison, guilt, resentment, dependency, attachment etc., and when both of you have the will to end the relationship, you’ll understand that you have learned to love each other from the most destructive ways, not before leaving yourselves clear which one of you was the good and the bad one of the story that brought you together.  

When you have the will to talk with your couple, family, friends or any other person; the first step is talking to yourself from consciousness so you can be clear on what you want to express, remember that you’re going to face a person who feels as confused as you and both deserve to understand each other; don’t start talking from “you always or you never” because those are two conditionings impossible to change, don’t generate labels such as: “very, little, worst, better, good, wrong, nothing, excessive, much, etc.”  Because from that moment, you’re positioning yourself and you’re differentiating the other, if you really want to communicate do it from assertiveness and not from your self-centered logic, on the contrary, think twice about talking to each other because in the purpose of getting to an agreement, the situation will end up in disagreement; allow the solutions come to your path when both of you feel with the consciousness of listening each other. 

Your ego is not the bad one of the story, it believes is protecting you through its dialogues about you can’t, it’s wrong, it’s impossible, and you’ll believe that its reasoning is correct when in reality is talking to you from the illusion; I want to tell you that you are not your ego; so stop believing that if you are here is to fight for love, to struggle in life or to stress yourself for having because what you’re doing is causing yourself an irreparable damage through your selfishness, rancor and victimization and that’ll make you resist to your own emotional maturity and that’ll leave you comfortably seated until you wait the others to change for you; nevertheless, when time passes and you see that nothing has changed, your ego will turn to you and will tell you that everything is your fault and it’ll punish you by thinking that you deserve to stay where you are. 

You’re existence, Shary ChavLó ∞