I’m an animal lover ‘cause I consider them majestic and I believe that their freedom teaches us what we have lost as human beings; since I was a child I dreamed with having a dog as a pet, I knew the name I was going to put him, unfortunately I remained on the dream ‘cause my parents never allowed me to have one because they told me that I wasn’t able to be responsible of him; when I saw people on the street with their 4 paws partners, I remembered the lacking I had as a child and then again returned to my memories based on the idea that someday my dog would come. 

I’ve always been a believer of the magic of the Universe and when things happen to us, it’s because all that energy rules at one’s favour; then happened that earlier this year, my precious gift came to me, a golden retriever whom I called Lucca, I can say that his arrival has been one of the most satisfactory experiences but in turn, it has been one of the most challenging and complicated ones of my life ‘cause my dream based on the illusion was far away from the reality I had lived, ‘cause this experience has made me recognize that I don’t know how to deal with the frustration that the need to be in control generates in me, when things aren’t going the way I want and desire.  

On the process of my dog’s development I’ve connected with anxiety, stress, worry and I can even say that I’ve felt rejectment and constantly I’ve scolded myself for feeling this way, ‘cause my ego who’s at the service of my mind has told me the story that if I feel rejectment it’s because I’m an ungrateful person with life, and I don’t deserve to have my dog; therefore, I generate guilt in myself, but when I become aware and listen to the way I speak to myself through my own injustice that’s when I’ve come to realize that it’s not my dog, but me in relation to what I live and most of all to the perspective I have when I’m living it; the hardest part for me about this situation and the one I keep dealing with is stop humanizing him and conditioning his own process of development ‘cause in my idea of perfectionism Lucca at 5 months old already had to understand how to respect, know the time to go to his bathroom and had to know exactly what I want, ‘cause in that way I could teach my parents that I can although that involves to educate a robot and not a dog, that’s when I´ve realized of my own lie ‘cause there’s moments that surpass me, where I don’t feel capable of moving forward with him. 

I believe the same happens with parents ‘cause they don’t know how to deal with the frustration they feel towards their children and this kind of states are difficult to accept ‘cause before recognizing those states in themselves, they choose to blame the others, because in their programmed mind exists the idea of being perfect; therefore, parents want their children to be the same and this make them to insist on educate the children they want ‘cause they’re not interested in educating the children they have ‘cause in reality children are the reminder of the lackings and deficiencies of their parents and in this conditioning process, parents decide to dehumanize their children through beatings, vitimization, manipulation, and psychological damage that’ll mark their children for the rest of their lives. 

I’ve always believed that a childhood without love, definitely will be a broken adulthood and this is regardless of having a life with luxury and economic security, ‘cause children are and will be the trigger of the shadow of their parents ‘cause children teach their parents to connect with patience, acceptance and tolerance and those are attributes with which they weren’t educated to co-create life; our parents will always be our best school and there’s where we’ll learn the base of self-love, empowerement and self-trust, and these subjects are fundamental keys in our human experience,   

“The greatest gifts you can give your children, are the roots of responsability and the wings of independence.” 

Denis Waitley.

Adult life has made us addicts of going behind the ambition ‘cause we ignore the mission that corresponds to us on a personal level, much less on a collective one; that’s reason why parents teach their children how to be the best at school  in order to be someone in life; ‘cause when parents insist on educating their children through perfectionism not even their own children are enough to satisfy their own dissatisfaction.

I want you to know that if you have children and they’re confronting you ‘cause you have them at home all day; you must know that your children will be the sponge of your emotions, thoughts and attitudes; and all of that, will be part of their programed education ‘cause you and your couple are teaching them how to become the best or worst version of themselves; it’s important that you acknowledge that it’s okey to feel exhausted, frustrated and even feel that you can’t handle them anymore ‘cause you don’t know how to understand them; so stop judging yourself ‘cause before being a mother or a father you’re a human being playing a role, which also your parents had to create in their own way to educate you; therefore, don’t make your children believe that they can’t do anything, ‘cause then guilt will be the only sure thing that’ll always haunt them. 

For your highest benefit take away from your mind that you have to be the best mother or father ‘cause being the best mom or dad doesn’t exist, the only true you can pursue it’s to become aware of how you talk to them ‘cause your words will be the sentence they’ll  use to create their lives; today what I’ve learned as the human mom of Lucca, is that my frustrations are based on the foundations left by the beliefs of not being able to do it and the fear of not being capable of having a pet, but I have convinced myself that the process will teach me that I do can, I just have to be patient and be respectful with him in order to create a healthy and loving bond; I’m sure that as a mother or father of a human being maybe you require a lot more tolerance but I believe you can do it.

You have the capacity to initiate an active listening with your children ‘cause remember that they belong to new generations and their needs require transformation, but in the authoritarism of the parents they usually tend to educate without conscious and concrete purposes that allow their children to reflect about why they think and act in certain ways; the fact of supressing yourself as a parent and also doing it with your children will make that both of you loose the mutual respect; don’t abandon them ‘cause your abandonment will leave on them an excess of victimization with which they’ll have to deal for the rest of their lives, but don’t overprotect them either, ‘cause overprotection is one of the most agressive things that can exist ‘cause you’re taking away their personal power and most of all you’ll make them think that they need to depend on others to do things, ‘cause they won’t be able to assume control of their lives; that your formula won’t be to give your children what you didn’t have, it’s better if you teach them what you didn’t learn that’s teaching them how to love themselves with such immensity that when people arrive to their lives, they  know  how to recognize the difference between love and abuse. 

You’re excellent,

Shary ChavLó ∞