Respect your father and your mother is a commandment that unconsciously positions us under the two persons who are going to be the most important teachers in our temporary human experience.

Your parents as well as you, had a story which made them take the decision of materialize you; on one side, your mother was raised under the conditionings of a submissive woman who needed to be protected or submitted by the patriarch of the family who played ther role of your grandfather, on the other hand, your father felt attracted by your mother because he saw in her, the woman who played the double of his matriarch and who held the role of your grandmother in your life.

A mother’s role is under the standards of a misogynist regime created by a society that gives the power to men while women get the duty; among those notions is that of born to be a mother, this as a result of the unconscious programming which have submitted women and men to be victims of the beliefs of impurity.

According to the gospel passage Leviticus 15:19-33, when a woman has her flow of blood, the impurity of her monthly period will last seven days and if a man has sexual relations with her, he’ll be unclean as well; in addition, the woman who dares to give birth to a boy, will be isolated during 40 days in order to be purified and in the case she gives birth to another woman, she will have 80 days of isolation”.

This belief has been a sentence to our unconscious and has conditioned us for centuries.

“It’s necessary to understand in order to overcome.”

Enric Corbera . 

You know I respect and honor the freedom you have to choose what you want to believe in; but those kind of beliefs have limited us for generations and we have formed an illusory archetype about what a mother is supposed to be; because for the social collective a mother relies on the memory of duty and sacrifice.

My mother is the fifth of ten sibilings, her mother tried to attend all her children while she cooked, did the laundry and ironed clothes; nonetheless her preference was always oriented towards her sons; on the despair and control of my grandmother, sometimes she communicated with her children by throwing dishes at them in order for them to obey; she was a woman who connected with the frustration of her husband’s abondonment for years and also felt that way for the multitude of children with whom she had to deal; and in the end of her days she made the decision of inherit only to the men… Do you think my grandmother was a good mother?

On the other hand, my mother learned how to be a mother according to the teachings she learned at home; she cared about my sister’s and I safety, but at the same time, she was emotionaly absent, because according to her, she never had the time to be a mother… Do you think she was a bad mom?

Many times I blamed her for her lack of time and I insisted her to see the heavy weight of her mistakes because a part of me needed to change her to make myself believe  I was right; nevertheless, on my demand of her lack of time with me, I didn’t choose to give my time to her either; that’s when I realized we were on the same line of incongruence. Today I know that I’m not longer in the position of changing her mental chip, which has programmed her for years and somehow makes her feel safe; but what I can do, is showing her that there’s time, love and patience because in order to have, we first have to be able to give.

Have in mind that our need of putting a judgement to our mother comes from our emotional debts which make us project the guilt we feel as children, this due to the manipulation of a system that mentalizes us about the huge power a mother has in the life of the children that perhaps, she never loved.

At some point in our lifes, we’ve wanted to change the way our mother thinks and acts; that turns us into her opponents because we keep oriented by the illusion of the mother we would have liked to have, from there, we are conditioning ourselves and we’re condemning her to a story that she couldn’t scape from.

Before our mother took the role of duty, she’s a human being who has suffered and received harsh teachings from her lineage because her first lesson was learning how to be a good housewife and an excellent mother. You must know that there aren’t good or bad mothers, there are women who couldn’t play a role which demanded love because they were never taught with that intention.

Human beings have the bad habit of looking for love in the others and if our mother loved us, we will have the permission of loving ourselves; on the contrary, if she didn’t feel love for us we’ll feel the most unworthy people on earth. I don’t know what kind of mother you had, but if you keep putting judgements on the role she played hanging on her the title of the perfect mother, unconsciously you’re having an incestuous relationship towards her because you see her as an unreachable woman from whom you’re taking away her humanity and that’s not fair; in the same way, if you judge her as the worst mother ever, besides you’re victimizing yourself, you’re choosing to be in opposition to her incomprehensible story, and life will bring you all the persons who are like her until you learn how to integrate, understand and accept her without any resistance.

Your mother is like any other human being who has been wrong and right on many occasions; nevertheless, her role was accomplished from the moment she decided to hold you for nine months in her belly and allowed you to come to experience earth through her; but what she never told you is that’s in you to decide if you use everything she taught you to continue with the same mold to teach another generation or if you choose to teach your mom that your own path is as valuable as the one she chose; respecting your mother doesn’t mean you have to imitate her formula of life but that you take your own flight that’ll guide you to experience, learn and discover the existence of an unconditional love that none of you was taught about.  

I respect you, Shary ChavLó ∞