I believe that one of the hardest processes we have to face, is forgiveness, because forgiveness take us to accept that we have lost, and it’s not about loosing others, it means we have lost ourselves in a situation that was out of our control.

I would like to tell you that in order to enter into a forgiveness process we need to understand that there’s a situation that needs to be forgiven, it doesn’t mean that forgiveness refers to a rationalization of the facts, forgiveness refers to comprehend how the situation made us feel and what was our feeling-reaction to it.

Long time ago I talked to you about attachment and told you that for me exists two types of attachments; the material and the emotional, I’ve told you that based on my experience the emotional attachment is the most painful because it impacts to our emotional state, a place we rarely look and procure and it’s right there, where the need of forgiveness resides.

According to psychological and scientific studies forgiveness contributes to the stress reduction, blood pressure, physical and mental health besides extends our possibility of life.

Forgiveness is an act from the heart, do it for your own good,
is the only antidote for the venom you’ve allowed to circulate inside you.

Wayne W. Dyer.

 

I want to tell you that forgiveness doesn’t mean the approval or justification of third parties, forgive is accepting the facts the way they were and not determine them based on the perception I’m choosing to give them, it’s accepting that the others acted according the way they believed correctly, it’s accepting the way he or she is and that he/she has the same power as me to choose how to act in a situation, this doesn’t mean I resign, it means that I need to understand that the situations I face, somehow, I’m responsible of using the others to hurt myself.

Forgiveness means we need to start by our own reconciliation about how we feel, understanding that we had voluntary participation in the situation, and I mean voluntary because in a way we are permissive when we deliver our emotional power   to the others.

That resistance to forgiveness emerges because within our beliefs always lies the notion of be doing things right or wrong, and when we feel that the things we’ve done or the things the others have done don’t fit our expectations, automatically we blame the others or blame ourselves, and remember guilt is an emotion that will always be agressive therefore it requires our absolute surrender and of course forgiveness.

Why is so hard to forgive? We are the most sever judges with ourselves, and we take the role very seriously so we believe we are the judges of others and it’s on us to relieve their gulits, have in mind that is not about releasing the person but the fact that caused us pain; sometimes pride impedes us from recognizing we were the ones who chose to attract that situation into our life and somehow we resonate with the person that has the same devaluation program as us, thus, we decided to harm each other, so the first step to forgive is forgiving ourselves because we’ve committed the worst of the faults, that was stop loving and valuing ourselves, hence, forgiving is not a benefit for the other, it’s a gift you give to yourself.

Probably it’s too much to ask you to forget, because inside our judgment we’ll always ask: how can I forget what that person did? I’ll tell you something it’s impossible because the mind is created to think and throws us memories from the past but what it’s possible is to stop adhering an emotion to that memorie, there’s when we’ll start forgetting and it’ll only remain as an image that was taken in a moment of our life.

Being able to forgive someone refers to be at the same level of empathy and understand that person acted from his/her own level of consciousness, that doesn’t mean empathy approves, empathy helps us to understand that we are humans as well and we have mistakes, hurt others, cheat, betray, because all those things I can’t approve in the other are things I deny of myself, in that way it will be easier to understand that forgiveness is to comprehend the other is my equal.

Always have in mind that forgiveness is the kindest act we have as human beings because it’s driven by the most powerful energy that is love, remember that forgive doesn’t mean the other is unpunished, it means you understand you are valuable enough to let feelings like guilt, anger, resentment, hate etc., be the ones who govern your life, so please allow yourself to have the will to release what is generating damage in you, because if you choose not to do so, then yes, that will be unforgivable.

Choose to live free,
Shary ChavLó ∞