Our biological mind will always look for survival through a system called family clan ‘cause through it’s ancestral information that rules the psyche of each one of us, we’ll look on the outside, that positive and negative sense of belonging; which means, that our couples, friends, work and social relationships will be conditioned by the relationships we had with our father and mother. 

One of the reasons that lead me to become an espiritual coach was that I’ve always believed that having emotional company is fundamental in our experience and despite I don’t consider myself a woman who has experienced everything, I think that I’ve squeezed every lesson so I can transmit the information based on my experience, ‘cause I believe that all of us are the reflex of our inner conflicts and I think that there’s no person in the world who’s free of pain; when I started giving therapy and workshops, normally women who had been abused in many ways by their father came to me; at first, I was very confronted ‘cause I thought part of my mind had repressed a painful memory; and by inquiring about it, I could become aware of a hidden truth in my story.   

Before I started to investigate what was the type of abuse related to me and my father, first I needed to see the human being, then the man and at last the role he played in my life; so I disposed myself to observe without any judgement the relationship he and my mother had; ‘cause from there, much of my dysfunctionalities are based; I observed a union between them based on lacking loyalties related to love where there were lies, infidelities, indifference, victimization, dependency and loneliness, it was at this moment where I started to delve in those abuse judgements that somehow made me attract relationships where I was the abuser and also the abused because of that unconscious programming that I observed and learned at home. 

One of the fundamental needs our parents didn’t accomplish was that they didn’t guide us through our self-trust and in that way, to the recognition of our successes the same as our mistakes, because of that, it was only well seen to succeed in order to qualify as the best son or daughter; therefore, during all our lives, we’ve been in charge of being the best, so in that way, we can obtain the recognition we didn’t get from them; nonetheless, our most conditiong loyalty towards our parents will be that we’ll always look in the others, the words of our mother and the emotional absence of our father. 

Have in mind that for many generations we’ve been conditioned to comparison, believing that everything that the outside says, thinks and does is what we need to have a social, family and cultural life to be accepted; for this reason, we’ve created specific dates to celebrate the heroine, the fighter and of course, the best mother; the same way, we’ve been programmed to celebrate the superman, the friend, the confident and the best father nobody can have; but, what happens when inside our family system there isn’t any of that?  

“The first lesson of love is not to ask for love, simply give it.”

Osho.

Starting a path that invites us to the conscious awakening isn’t like waking up in the morning; that’s why I believe that resonating in the spirituality is one of the most complex processes there are, ‘cause you stop lying to yourself and you start giving yourself the conscious love to give up to the love that cheats; you start seeing yourself closely so you can stop looking at yourself from comparison; you become aware about the caused and causing pain that has worked as a life’s strategy so you can feel it and realize that you don’t have to be strong; you take the step to renounce to your judgements that result from the beliefs that challenge you the most and also from the parents you illusionate as the best, worst and untouchable; so in that way, you can give them back the humanity you’ve taken away from them; you observe the originated damage by the beliefs about how you have to perceive and who you must be in order to be accepted by a collective who wants to see you repeating but no repairing; you reconcile with the true divinity ‘cause you take away from you the weight of that belief about that idea of a God who’s at the outside and who’s been seen as a man who blames and punishes us; you simply wake up from that hypnosis to find yourself and discover who you really are without shielding yourself behind the resentment you have towards your mother or father for not giving you the love you idealized. 

I don’t know how was and still is the relationship you have with your parents, just remember that from that union your life will be conditioned to the repetition, until you become aware about what you have to heal about yourself without believing that the others are mistaken; there are no perfect parents, this means that you didn’t have the best parents ever ‘cause if you think like this, means that you’re positioning yourself over an unreachable illusion and your relationships will never be enough for you ‘cause they’ll be submitted to the comparison of that indestrutible crush; on the other hand, if you believe you had the worst parents ‘cause they abandoned, hurt and ofended you; without no doubt, your relationships will have the same characteristics of pain and suffering ‘cause those beliefs are the ones you stay attached to; so you could stay next to people who look like those parents you don’t know how to forgive and accept. 

Forget about the judgements and condemns you put to your parents, ‘cause you’re not noticing the story they had with their own parents; this doesn’t mean that you justify their treatment, just understand that they act according to a learned regimen ‘cause they repeated the story with which they stablished how life would be like; give yourself the opportunity to see each one of them as people who assumed a role that from your perception didn’t know how to do it; so stop feeling the jury who determine how good or bad they were; also give yourself the opportunity to take away the mask of the hero who believes that you have to save them from their beliefs and “bad” habits ‘cause that means that you see them as the victims while you’re the aggressor who’s taking away from them their personal power so you can feel that you’re best than them; remember that your soul chose from which parents s/he wanted to be born and your mission is to discover what you have to transcend about that relationship but if you decide to watch your parents from rejectment, hate, illusion and conditioning love, then, you’re condemning yourself to repeat the same story full of pain, lacking and suffering ‘cause you make yourself the idea that this is how you’ll get the recognition that’ll finally make you feel loved and important.

Love yourself, Shary ChavLó ∞