Forgiveness is one of the most complicated processes we came to learn because when we hear about it, our conscious mind goes to the fact that originated resentment within us, and that leads us to the blocked emotion of the memory we’re trying to forget.

We’ve been lead to believe that forgiving means forgetting the faults that the other person committed against us, hurting us; nonetheless, how’s going to be possible to forget if we have had emotionally absent parents since childhood? This caused an impact in the condition of our emotions, because feeling emotions like hate, rancor or anger was bad because this made us “bad people” unworthy of love.

Long time ago I talked you about emotions and told you that our emotions were part of our earthly learning because thanks to them we describe ourselves as existing beings; nevertheless, our emotional repression has been such, that the world is turning into a jail of prisoners capable to act from that place.

Forgiveness is understanding the cause
without judging the circumstances.

Shary ChavLó.

Two years ago a patient came to me to treat some matters of her life; sharing to me that she was sexually abused when she was 5 years old. My first feeling was to hate the person who had done it and of course, hate towards her mother to whom my wishes were far away from love; when my patient left my office, I went home shocked by the story, I remember the next day I woke up and started crying, asking myself: how could I be able to handle a story like that?, why there were such bad people in the world?, how not to judge the people who did this?

Few weeks later my patient came back to see me and I asked her to tell me the story of her mother, she told me her mother had been raped by one of her brothers while her father raped her sister; when I listened to the story I understood that the family tree to which my patient belonged was based on incestuocity; a tree where the family information was repeating in the unconscious of my patient. What I want to tell you with this testimony is that behind every judgment we do, there’s a story we ignore, and when we allow ourselves to observe the true story we’ll understand where’s the origin of it; I want you to know that the fact we know the story doesn’t mean we approve the acts, we just understand from which place the others act and in that way, we give ourselves the opportunity of taking away the role of irrational judges, thus, we get to see the real learning of the situation.

If you realize, forgiveness is not about releasing the agressor, it’s about taking away the judgment and the sentence to the circumstances I’m living, and that, will be accomplished when the cause can be understood and for that to happen, the cause has to be observed and previously accepted; nevertheless, human being is used to skip over the observation and goes directly to judgment and the sentence, somehow, I understand that our judgments are necessary so we can be able to choose what we like about life and what we don’t, but when we allow our judgments to condition us we start to measure the others through them and we use sentence as the best and first option, it’s right there when we choose emotions that move us far way from empathy.

Maybe you’ll ask yourself: how to take away the judgment and sentence to murderers, rapists or to the people who does so much damage to society? The fairest way is to understand their story and in that way we’ll take away from their hands their power over our emotional states; remember that behind every assassin and agressor there’s a story we don’t know and which clearly transfomed them, that doesn’t mean we justify them, it means we understand this people came to experience life far away from love and they ran into a “victim” who wanted to learn the same way, how’s this possible? It’s simple, without agressor there’s no victim, therefore they coexist.

I want to tell you that if we don’t get rid of the adiction of judging and sentencing, then as complementation law we’ll keep unconsciously looking who to judge, blame and sentence, and those emotions are not related with forgiveness for the simple fact that they’re not in the same feeling line.

Like I told you, the process of forgiveness is one of the most complex because taking away the judgment to every situation is very hard; nevertheless, the only thing that stops judgment is the power of observation that causes my perception can be transformed and finally, I’ll start looking at myself in relation to what I’m living, for this to happen, I need to be responsible of what I’m judging and condemning, because it’s not about redeeming the fact that hurt me but accepting my participation in it, so then, I’ll find the truth that will make me free.

When you start relating with yourself from freedom, you’ll live far away from the prejudices of perfectionism and you’ll release all the people who decide to gain some weight; people who have other ideas; people who decide different tastes of life; the ones who decide different political parties than yours; people who have different sexual orientation; people who choose different sport teams, people who decided to be latin, black or white etc., because if you keep living in that strict position of inflexible judge then deep inside, you don’t forgive yourself for being different either.

It’s very ambitious to ask us to love each other, because great part of our collective has a conditioned version of love and that’s completely far away from what truly is; but what we can do for each other is paying respect for the differences of the others because then we’ll accept that the other has the right to be different, because the others deserve to be accepted the same way we all do.

 I want you to know that none of us is a good or a bad person, we’re complete individuals; nonetheless, there’s no coincidence you found some people in the same space time, it’s better if you reconcile with everyone because each one of them taught you something you didn’t want to recognize within you; accept you’re also human and that lack of forgiveness is not harming the other but poisoning you, get free of those judgments because they are just labels you put to yourself using the others and that makes you prisoner of your own thoughts; remember your divine right is to be happy so don’t impose yourself any reasons to take away that beautiful state ‘cause that will be the saddest of your sentences.

Forgive yourself,
Shary ChavLó ∞